But, see, that’s different. There is a difference between having sexual boundaries based on what you are and are not comfortable with and refusing to do something because you think your partner’s body is repulsive. One is understandable and the other is just plain terrible and hurts someone’s feelings and impacts them for a really long time.
I do think you can blame your partner for that, as well as the patriarchy. I think pretty much everyone is able to recognize what the media is portraying is not the same as actual life. I don’t think anyone watches a television show and goes, “Yes, that is exactly like my life.” And while I do think that line can be blurred (I cannot tell when a picture is photoshopped or not unless it’s really bad so pictures of models in magazines give me a distorted view of what my body is “supposed” to look like), I also think that having experiences that are based on reality makes it clearer.
For example, anyone who has sex with someone knows that there are weird sounds, smells, feelings, and even hair. I think it’s really, really terrible for someone to expect a partner to be hairless and have their vagina smell like daisies and taste like pineapple whenever they have sex. It’s unrealistic to expect that and I don’t think it’s bad to expect that someone you are having sex with to understand that yes, you might have pubic hair, and yes, your vagina will smell. I don’t think it’s too much to expect someone to live in reality with the rest of us.
Personally, the messages from ads and the media and society really seem to do more damage to the person with the vagina. A common thread in all of these messages I’ve received is the level of shame and embarrassment people have about their vaginas and how hard oral sex is for them to experience because those messages and negative thoughts about their vagina can’t be turned off easily.
I think anyone who actually entered into a sexual relationship with realistic expectations would not find pubic hair or the natural smell and taste of the vagina to be repulsive. I think part of that just comes with experience (the more partners you have the more you are exposed to and the less shocking pubic hair becomes). But I also think part of it goes with a sense of entitlement.
Like I’ve said, my guy friends don’t think they should shave or remove their pubic hair but DO expect their partners to do so. I think that demonstrates a level of entitlement over someone else’s body. Like, YOU have to look and smell and taste a certain way but I’m flawless and need to look and smell and taste natural because MY body isn’t the one that’s gross.
I think it takes a pretty big sense of entitlement to say, “I’m not putting my mouth anywhere near your vagina because it’s gross, now let me put my penis inside of it so I can get off.”
And your partner IS responsible for their feelings of entitlement and how to address them.
Love,
Rabble
Rebloggable was requested
